october is heavy

i began a visual diary of the month of october 2019 as an exercise in healing, letting go, and slowing down to observe the world around me during a month that is historically difficult for me. trauma becomes embedded in the viscera of a survivor, according to ptsd researcher bessel van der kolk. it creates a state of constant anxiety and vigilance. van der kolk states that “it takes tremendous energy to keep functioning while carrying the memory of terror, and the shame of utter weakness and vulnerability.”

riddled with anniversaries of traumatic events and culminating in the anniversary of my sexual assault on halloween, it is not a well-kept secret that i struggle every time october comes around. october is heavy is my brutally honest diary of the month of october 2019: the ups, the downs, and the existential crises.

listen to the project playlist here or purchase a physical copy here.

ZINE CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual assault, abuse, alcohol and drug use